Si le ciel est comme ça

从前，如同在讲很久很久以前。虽然追述不到我的前一世，希望是因为我从来没有试着去回忆这一生之前的日子。从前的久，是因为它跨越的时间和空间。然而将它们离散化让我感到久的恐怖。其实，从前是美好的。美好得如同闭月羞花的瞬间，美好得如同姹紫嫣红的山花地。

美好归美好，我却一直在试着回忆自己是什么时候开始懂得愁的概念的。却只从记忆库里找出了一堆当时觉得恼火的事，可惜没有表明具体时间，没法遍历。

啊，忽然觉得自己又附和了三岛：人就是个总想说自己痛苦的东西。不说愁了，换一个往事来侃侃，反正我有的是时间！

哈，想起一件事情，觉得可以提提。那是在我上小学的时候，一次，我们被一个稍大点孩子怂恿去爬后山。当时他的说法是山上有个神仙洞。

怀着一种幼稚的原始幻想，我们一群小孩子便在他的带领下向高出进发了。

欢快的步伐在二个小时以后变得沉重，前边那个带路的孩子拿着一把小刀在前边劈枝开路，自己真的不想再继续了。实际上我们当时已经爬了多半个山头，实际上大家都知道这座山是没有人有信心去征服的，至少不用10个小时，没有一生血迹是没法证明这里没有什么所谓地神仙洞。陆陆续续地，几个玩伴退缩了。不安的我们用急降法也没能挽回自己的战友。 好,不管他们，我们继续前进。 大凡山都是越爬越艰险。我们居然遇到了一个被我们称我生死关的地方。这里根本就是一个悬崖峭壁，路是没有的。那个大孩子又开口了，我们不爬了，但是也不从原路返回。其实当时我真的怕了，万一一失足，命都没了。

其实旁边如果不是悬崖，凭着小孩本能的攀岩技巧，过这个峭壁，可以说是轻而易举。 好像当是又有人回头。通过生死关的我们后来才被证实是一群笨蛋。过了生死关以后发现我们只有上山路没有下山路了。

     什么一致向前，不原路返回。如果只有一条路，你又想回去呢？其实当时执着的喊着要另辟新路，我也有份。固执的脑袋是不会转弯的。  后来怎么呢？ 后来好像大家在父母的等待下，于晚上7点左右，平平安安下山了。沮丧、疲惫、想杀人的心情是必然的！

其实黑夜加上人烟稀芜并不等于阴暗，相反如果你在没有期待任何陌生人打搅的情况下遇上鸟语似的搭讪… … 可怕的眼神，装着听不懂，闪人。然后便是教师们集体游行，要求加薪。在这聚集点附近居然没有一个警察。更好，互不干扰，大家便都相安无事。听说达赖喇嘛将执教美国某所大学。行人是不会注意你的存在的，除非他在一个特定的时期意外的发现你的无所谓有无所谓无的存在。巴黎女郎的神秘微笑，一点记忆的晶片。然后就是在一本半英文，半中文的学法语的大书里，居然找到了一句我从来没有听过的近名言：学会忘记有时也十分重要的（中文字样）。足球，足球，迟早会把你踢个够。 

Really, we have to write down sth, only in this way can we success in remembering it all the times, No matter how important it is, if we don't repeat it all the days, neither write it down, we are supposed to forget all. 

Having read sth which I got one year ago, I suddenly began to figure out what happened. 

It's awfully terrible to forget sth important for there aren't so much thing that we could consider important.

 I hate the world turns around in this unusual way which makes all the things seem so weird. I hate to be as usual as a guy who could never get any bless from the lord just because he is not a catholic or he is an absolute sinner. Since I try to liberate my spirit, fly into the boundless welkin, -but the terrible side is that my wings have been totally ruined by my cruel abandonment however I am not aware of this fact, the eternal sky turns into a changeable object which directly influences the emotion of the unconscious people. I know quite well that nobody want to change, but how could we survive in this accidental occasion without change. In fact, it should be much better than what it is. But I’m sorry. I didn’t have the courage to beg for more from the lord when I was still unconscious. The habit of invariability makes me feel incapable to handle it.

It's good to be alive, till I am 950-year-old.

~ And the Lord God sent a deep sleep on the man, and took one of the bones from his side while he was sleeping, joining up the flesh again in its place.

~ And the bone which the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and took her to the man.

~ And the man said, This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh: let her name be Woman because she was taken out of Man.

~ For this cause will a man go away from his father and his mother and be joined to his wife; and they will be one flesh.

~ To the woman he said, Great will be your pain in childbirth; in sorrow will your children come to birth; still your desire will be for your husband, but he will be your master.

~ If you do well, will you not have honor? And if you do wrong, sin is waiting at the door, desiring to have you, but do not let it be your master.

I sit at my window this morning where the world like a passer-by stops for a moment, nods to me and goes. Seeing that a piece of gentle breeze blow away countless autumn leaves and the remainders quiver in fears of this kind of separation from their mother, I begin to wonder if this scene is a tragedy. With their worry comes suddenly the sound of birds, the words of some students. Their happy moment imply apparently that they don’t understand the language of nature, at least they are doing what they want to do in this calm environment, plunging themselves into this comfortable atmosphere. Hey I know you don’t care what happened around you, but please don’t make me fear. You know they hate their homesickness, hate the stupid wind, and hate all the people around them.

 Sorry, I’ve got up, haven’t seen any passer-by, haven’t begged for your understanding, and haven’t told you that the world is artificial like it in Matrix. Don’t tell me you could understand what I wanne talk about, because we are not the same type of person.

 Yesterday evening, I saw a film, the name of which is my left eye sees the ghost.

.eciohc ruoy ekam ot evah uoy ,lla retfA .ylenol eb ot evah ohw nam a ro ,fles mih ot yrros yas syawla ot evah ohw nam yldneirf a rehtie eb ot esoohc nac uoy ,ecneibma ruo nI ?dneirf taerg a si erehw ,revewoH .meht ot ssenlufknaht ym fo erawa eb ro tsirt eb ot dah I ,em dnuora sdneirf ynam emos dnuof I nehw tuB .ytilanosrep dna reerac htob ni lufsseccus eb ot eno rof htrow sselecirp era sdneirf taerG .ekila era sdnim taerG .daeh ym revo tlobrednuht na yllaicepse si dlrow ELGAE ehT

.noitcepsortni a hsinif ot emit hguone evah t'ndluoc I ,llits tuB .yad a rof flesym eerf lliw I taht noisiced a edam neve I taht elbaviecnocni dna lufrednow os s'tahT .erofeb fo kniht reven evah I taht tluser yrartnoc a s'ti tcaf ni ,wen doog yrev a tog ev'I ,yadoT .railimaf ton ma I ohw htiw ,nosrep a emoceb ylneddus tsuj evah I tub ,hcum os egnahc em ekam tahw wonk t'nod I

.ti enod evah I tub ,smelborp fo tol a esuac yam taht kniht I